redzils: (outlier)
[personal profile] redzils
Dear Men of the Internet,

I have some suggestions.

If you are online dating to meet women like me (straight, 30ish, professionally successful, funny, kind), there are few simple things you can do to improve your odds.

First, put your clothes back on. I find pictures of strange men in their tighty-whities horrifying. I don't want to see you with your shirt off before I know your name. Period.

(Also, no guns in the pictures. Make me feel safe trusting your judgment, if you ever want to meet me in person).

Second, going to the gym is not a hobby. Listing "going to the gym" as a hobby and as "how [you] spend your Friday night" makes me think you need an actual hobby.

Third, I know dating is hard if you have kids. You have my sympathy, but it is still tacky to put pictures of your children on a semi-sleazy dating site on the internet. When I see those pictures, I assume you are not someone I want to parent with and I click away.

Fourth, just because the site allows you to specify you are looking for "long term dating," "short term dating," "new friends," and/or "casual sex" does not mean you have to check every box. Also, if your profile tells me you are looking for both the love of your life and for casual sex, I am going to assume you are looking more for one than the other.

Fifth, men who can make plans are incredibly attractive. If you say, "would you like to get together sometime?" and I say yes, your next email should be something like, "how about dinner on Saturday? 6ish? At So&Sos?" Even if I can't make that exact itinerary work, we can negotiate it from there and I will already want to kiss you out of sheer relief.

Sixth, I am smart and careful. I do not want you to pick me up for our first date. I do not want to give you my phone number, become your facebook friend, or tell you where I work until after I have met you and confirmed that gee, you don't look like a serial killer. Failing to understand that makes me think you are likely to be bad at boundaries and to be very, very grateful I didn't give you my real name email or my phone number.

Seventh, please read my profile before writing to me. I only respond to emails with actual content, and you get points for referencing something I put in my profile. You get even more points if you don't write a dead end email - questions are good. They make a conversation possible.

May you have great success and live happily ever after.

Red Zils (who is someone totally different on that dating site, since the last thing I want is for them to follow me home).
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November 2010

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