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At some point I would like to post about the difference between significant relationships and meaningful ones, both in psychology and in my life.

And, it is worth capturing for posterity that the DBP director told us to "hum our way through" the overly detailed, insanely complex statistical methods employed in one of the papers we read for today.

Also, should I ask, the vacuum cleaner bags (Style 7) are on the floor in the box room. 
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Summer is passing, at a rate I can't quite understand.

I arrived in Alaska mid-May, with three gorgeous, unstructured months ahead of me.  It felt like eternity, in the best possible way: endless hours with friends, time to soak up Alaska's uniquely precious outdoors, and seeing my family without a plane ticket breathing "hurry up and enjoy this!"

Somehow it is July.  My endless summer is half over, the lupines fading and the fireweed beginning to bloom.

I am partial to lupines and they say  "youth" in my personal language of flowers.  One of my favorite pictures from my childhood is baby Redzils toddling through a patch of lupines, grinning, with her red-gold ringlets swaying in the breeze.  They aren't spring flowers, exactly, but they bloom in early summer and fade away gradually.  Watching the bank of soft purple lupines which adorn the hill across from TDaC's driveway fade from brilliant purple to almost purple, with the greenery reasserting itself, cues me that nothing stays the same. 

Around here, the striking pink-red fireweed appears later.  The flowers open from the bottom up, over time, and when the top pods burst, with white seed cotton bursting free, winter is almost here.  Fireweed herald the return of termination dust, when Alaska's short green season ends, the land fades to a crimson brown, and snow settles over everything.  I don’t get to see Alaska's marvelous, albeit short, fall anymore - I am back east by then, turning my attention to school.  And seeing the fireweed bloom, with more pink blossoms bursting free each day, reminds me that fall and my new academic life are coming.

I have not been eating healthily or going to the gym, despite prior assertions.  I have been spending my time and energy on the people I care about, forging new relationships and trying to bolster old ones. I am enmeshing myself in the dance community here, trying to perform well at work, and spending the time I can find with friends and family (that full time job thing really gets in the way).  I figure the fall, when I am back to living a spartan life, eating my own cooking and waking up at the same time every day, is soon enough to start worrying about calories and lifting weights.  Right now I am too busy eating Thai food with my friends, staying up late and sleeping ridiculous hours, and trying to say "Yes!" to every good idea that comes along.

I don’t want summer to end. I am not ready, but I am slowly realizing that I don’t have to be. My endless summer is only halfway gone.  I still have almost a month and a half left, and I mean to make the most of it.  I bought new roller-blades, and the current plan is to get outside and skate as often as I can, rather than attempting to lure myself into a hot, stinky aerobics room at the local gym.  I am going to embrace the craziness of my summer and soak it all up, to inoculate me from the ennui of fall.  And I have to remember: this fall will be different from the four before it. The Wicked Witch of the South East doesn't control my academic destiny anymore, I am going to be living alone in a fabulous house, and dancing a lot. It will still be far from home, and maybe lonely, but ... as always, the good news (and the bad news) is that nothing stays the same.
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Yesterday I went out to coffee with a friend of [profile] learethak's. This friend is now reading my LJ too - everyone wave!

I've now been told twice in 24 hours that I probably intimidate men, which seems a little . . .repetitive.

What do you think? Why do women of a certain temperament (think, say, mine) tend to scare the male of the species?
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It is kind of fun to watch two people you like falling in love.  I have a ridiculously front row seat, what with living down the hall, but it makes me grin to see how happy RH & K seem to be. (It helps that they have a good sense of when to Take It Upstairs).

My minor super-power seems to be holding.

[profile] lycantras, you sure you want to risk it as my next roommate?
redzils: (Default)
I'm grounded.

I need to send my advisor a complete draft of my thesis by Friday night (night being defined as ending anytime before 8 am Saturday morning, Eastern Standard Time). I have not done any thesising in quite awhile, so it's time to focus.

My aunt Mimi suggested today that I could always blame them, citing pressing family obligations.  Pressing is the right word - as in gang-pressing, a lovely old custom where captains who needed crews would prowl near the harbor, kidnapping poor souls who woke up the next day onboard, far from land, with a new job and life ahead of them.  I love spending time with my family, but, damn, are they capable of derailing my day(s).  I explained to everyone, including my grandmother, that I am grounded to work on my thesis.  They dont necessarily like it, but they understand.

Outside of family life, I have also been being very social, which is delightful.  Delightful, and complicated.  I need some time to myself to recharge, so until Friday night/Saturday I will be grounded.

Speaking of which....
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Dear LJ Braintrust,

What is the working definition of "a date?"  You know, as in, going out on a date, etc.  There has been much speculation in my world lately, and we could use your help!

Gracias in advance.

redzils: (Default)
Retractions . . .

It has been brought to my attention that sometimes people get their feelings hurt by things they read on the internet.

In light of that, I thought I would clarify my livejournal philosophy:
- I try not to be mean. I try not to be thoughtless. I hope you understand that for me, this is a stream-of-consciousness exercise that I do mostly to get this stuff out of my head and onto the page, and sometimes I may say something stupid/tactless/misinformed.

I am not aiming the stupid at you. Really.

redzils: (Default)
I was chatting with Adam tonight, when he started to tease me about something (I cant even remember what, which shows you how cruel he was not being :).  My immediate response in light of my earlier conversation today was to say, "Stop! I am not accepting that I have any flaws today.  Like Mary Poppins, I am practically perfect in every way!"

This is what happens when you pick up your philosophy of life listenning to a CD your two year old cousin picks out on the way to the zoo (Mary P. was my favorite as a little girl too).


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November 2010

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