redzils: (Default)
I feel like I have been being too verbose and very whiny, but I guess that is what personal online journals are for. Feel free to skip any and all of this.

This morning's installment: I'm tiiiiiiiired. 

I went to bed around one, tired, and watched the clock turn to three am.  I am trying to learn to sleep on my back, and I just cant seem to fall asleep that way.  Last night I added a pillow under my knees to the usual voodoo [hot pack on shoulder, bear, nest of pillows (two body pillows and four regular pillows live in my bed)], and it still didn't work. I got to the lucid dreaming stage, where I was still aware but an interesting movie featuring me as star played across the back of my eyeballs, but couldn't get all the way to sleep.  I eventually gave up, as I tend to do, rolled over, and was asleep in seconds.  The only problem with that solution is that sleeping on my stomach leaves me feeling smothered, and curling up on either side hurts my shoulders. So I woke up to my alarm five hours after falling asleep, in pain.  Lovely.

I have never been a good sleeper, but this is getting ridiculous. I may have to add abuse-of-cold-medicine to my list of vices. Nyquil is scary stuff but at least I get sleep when I do a shot of it before bed.
redzils: (Default)
And.... I am obviously not the sharpest knife in the drawer today. 

After that last post telling the universe how tiiiiiiiired I am, I did the obvious thing and went to bed with a book.  And - here is where the plan got stupid - read the book.  You know, all 451 pages of it.

2 am is a perfectly reasonable bedtime on a school night, right?
redzils: (Default)
Dear Family,

I love you very much.   You can tell this because I spent hours last night sitting at the airport waiting for your flight, so I could hand you your down coats as you walked through the gate and take your carry ons away.  I was even relatively glad to be your driver, despite your 3 am arrival (revised from 1:11 am, but not 'til I was at the airport).  However, on any day I go to bed at 5 am (after, say, getting home late from the airport), making me get up at 10 am to entertain company is CRUEL AND UNUSUAL.

Love,
me
redzils: (Default)
Okay, I am now about where I wanted to be on the thesis last night. I dont know if this means that I set ridiculous goals, or am inherently slow and procrastinatish.  Either way, I have a complete draft of the methods and results and wrote out the limitations of my study (that was a LONG paragraph. Stoopid project).  I shipped the Methods and Results off to a couple people who might be kind enough to read over them for me (yes, hi, I do mean you.  Have I mentioned how marvelous you are lately?).

My brain is about done for the day, but I think I will spend ten minutes bringing the pieces together, into one document before I take my headcold and go to bed. 

I printed the 19 pages left of my Intro./Lit. Review (after cutting out all the stuff that was removed from my original model), so tomorrow's first project is to outline it, with a one sentence summary per paragraph.  That "map" will enable me to see what is missing / needs to be expanded on and make sure I have a cogent, complete literature review and introduction.  Those are my least favorite parts of the project to work on (especially since I have a bunch of recently published articles which need to be integrated), but I need to finish that before I can write the discussion and conclusions....

Two more days to get it done, which means a) I need to work like the wind, and b) in two days I get ungrounded.  If only I survive that long...

PS - I am sorta sickly today, so went to Fred Meyers to buy groceries and stock up on cold medicine. I think I managed to trip their methamphetamine warning system, and they me choose between these two boxes or that one instead (I went for Advil cold medicine - in two forms - rather than the Claritan.  Allergies be damned, I guess). They took my ID and disappeared into the back for awhile before making me sign my life away in exchange for cold medicine.  I wonder if that means the DEA will be calling?  I would be glad to cough on them if they feel like coming by. If I am feeling nice, I'll then share my cold medicine , but they will have to bring their own allergy meds. Oh well, at least the cold means I have a valid reason to slug down a shot of Nyquil en route to bed.
redzils: (Default)
It is getting emptier around here.

When I came back from walking and talking with Anita, R had absolutely wrecked their room packing. A was perched on the mattress (careened half up against the wall, half on the floor), looking shell shocked. It literally looks like a bomb went off in their bedroom.

The are actually headed to a hotel for the night, since she cant handle this level of chaos and still has one exam tomorrow.

I had grandiose ambitions for the evening, but think I am instead going to take a swig of Nyquil straight from the bottle (I like to live dangerously) and crash. Life is always an adventure.
redzils: (Default)
I am taking the whole "not sleeping" thing as a sign that I am a wee bit stressed about moving. I spent some time thinking about it, and decided the most anxiety producing part is the furniture, since I have no way to move it alone and no friends with big vehicles and lots of spare time to rely on. So, I pulled out the yellow pages and (taking the brilliant AND beautiful Heather's advice) called movers.

On Wednesday afternoon I am getting two guy and one truck for two hours, for $150. If I need them longer, I keep them longer, at $75/hr. Hopefully I wont need them beyond that two hours, but it is worth it to get all the big stuff I cant handle alone taken care of before I leave for Dallas, so I can focus on grading, finishing my paper, and packing the small stuff when I get back.

What am I going to have them move?
- kitchen table
- two tables from office
- three tall bookcases
- two short bookcases
- two large filing cabinets
- one small filing cabinet
- bed
- dresser
- bedside table

Space / time permitting I will also get them to move:
- the patio set (table & two chairs)
- two wicker chairs
- office chair
- any packed boxes I have lying around
- the big totes from the basement

It feels good to know those things will be taken care of, even if it means I will be sleeping on an air mattress and sitting on the floor a lot when I get back from Dallas. Also, I have to have the bookshelves / cabinets / and dresser drawers empty by then. Oh well, it's good to be busy.

In the meantime, I am off to rent my storage unit . . .
redzils: (Default)
I layed down for an hour, and tried to soothe myself to sleep by repeating "It will all work out okay. It is going to be okay. It is going to work out okay," over and over again.

Obviously the chanting didn't work that well, since it is 2:24 am and I am sitting at my computer in my bathrobe trying to read blogs and be distracted from my life.

Tomorrow I will start hauling stuff to storage, which will help. I may even arrange to have the thrift store people come sooner, since I need to see discernable progress to keep from freaking out.

As for the paper, well, meh. I emailed John to clarify the length I should be shooting for, and he refuses to commit to anything but "write the paper so it is complete, rather than worrying about length. The length is what it is." I find that to be absolutely useless advice and it makes me feel like avoiding the whole damn thing. That would work, except the paper is 50% of my grade in that class. Oops.

I am going to work on it for twenty minutes now, then go to bed. I have to be up in less than five hours . . .
redzils: (Default)
I woke up late, and settled right in at the computer. I think there is a connection between my lack of boundaries and lack of work (i.e. I sleep in essentially the same clothes I wear all day, or pieces of them). My office is a wreck, and my life is overwhelming.

I am going to go take a shower and put on real clothes (non-stretch pants! a bra!), walk the dog, start some laundry, clean up my office, and make a to do list before turning the computer back on. Hopefully that will kick start my day.

Busy Brain

Apr. 30th, 2006 01:37 am
redzils: (Default)
I went to bed an hour or two ago, but couldn't sleep. I have cleverly (self-mockingly) diagnosed myself with a case of "busy brain."

This is what you get when you decide to sell your house and move within two weeks, around the normal end of semester craziness (grading everything in sight, exam creation, final projects), data analysis associated with your thesis, packing to move to a completely different life some 3000+ miles away, and a four day trip to Dallas.

I got up and packed two boxes of books (I am now out of boxes to pack, unless I decide to make a witching hour trip to the box stash in the carport). And partially packed another two totes. And I am thinking about a mug of sleepytime tea and some exam writing (the test itself, not my response to one). I'd rather be sleeping, but that seems unlikely, just now.

[Even as I write this entry I have hopped up about four times, to pack a tote with my sewing machine and crafting stuff, collect some more fragile decorative stuff (all with great sentimental value) for the hard to pack box, fling a few things into the thrift store box, and generally bewilder the dog].

The bad news: I am out of Nyquil.

My current plan is to putz awhile and then try to sleep. I can't take anything anywhere tomorrow (storage place and thrift stores are both closed on Sundays), so don't need to get too carried away. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I will haul carloads to both places, and then Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday I will be in Dallas. I am planning to have the exam created and in the copy queue before I leave, and to grade the research papers en route. I just need to make sure to finish my MA paper, so when I get back I can spend Monday through Friday grading exams, MOVING, and packing for AK.

I had been under the impression that thinking it through like that would make me feel better, because that sort of exhaustive listing usually does. Unfortunately, this time, I was wrong . . .
redzils: (Default)
That was the crappiest night's sleep I have gotten in a long time.

Went to bed about 2:30. I think I maybe slept for two or two and a half hours between 5 am and 8 am . . . I just couldn't relax and stop my frantically spinning thoughts.

I am up now, and have comitments for the next 11 hours, so no naps for me today. However, I think an early bedtime (and maybe a stop to buy some more Nyquil) is in order. The whole chasing-Julie's-kids for three houts thing should be interesting too, since I feel much like sitting very stll.

The physical manifestations of insufficient sleep are really irritating - my low back aches, my eyes start feeling bleary, and yawns become drawn out to the point that my eyes involuntarily shut and I have to rub my face to get them open again.

Insomnia.

Apr. 6th, 2006 12:48 am
redzils: (Default)
I am tired, tired, exhausted, tired.

However, I am not sleeping. This isn't by choice - the insomnia monsters have me in their grip. I went to bed about 11:30 and lay down in my nice dark room with my white noise machine's ocean waves gently pounding away, and mentally rehearsed our dance choreography a few times, fretted about school, wondered if I had gotten any good email, and essentially thought myself into a tizzy for a little over an hour. I hate it when I do that.

I should be accustomed to insomnia though - this happens to me. It happens to my dad too, and it happened to his dad as well. In my grandfather it was one more symptom of what was known then at bipolar disorder. My dad is more even keeled, he just gets up and eats peanut butter toast while reading Louie L'Amour novels. I don't have as clear a plan for dealing with it - I tend to freak out about how tired I am and how little sleep I will have to go on tomorrow. Tonight my plan is to bore myself to sleep reading for meta-analysis class tomorrow. I figure an hour of tiny font, statistical derivation, and sleepytime tea might do it . . .

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